I need to purge. Consider yourself warned.
Commandments According to Dawne
Thou shalt not keep me up all night.
I understand that everyone deals with things differently. I, for example, like to deal with the things upsetting me during the day. Others perhaps chose early evening. Other still prefer to process the day late at night. I have no problem with this. What I do have a problem with is when you want to join me on your late night rides and I don't want to go. Kidnapping me doesn't make things any better, because it makes me miserable and cranky all day long. It affects my ability to work. All I want to do is sleep, or, depending on how intensive our midnight jaunt has been, shove bamboo into your fingernails or drown you in melted cheese. No bread allowed.
Thou shalt engage brain before opening mouth.
When you say things, I remember them. All of them. When you do stupid things, I remember them, too. I try not to. I don't want to. If you would just think before you open your mouth, contemplate what you're saying before you say it, consider how assinine things sound, especially the next morning after you've had time to think about it, life would be so much easier. Contemplation is important. If you need time to contemplate go to a space where you can, so long as that space isn't a shared space. Everyone in the house has space of their own. Go to it. Recharge your force there. Think while you're there. So much could be avoided with just a few minutes of thought. Being rash, doing stupid things that I have to deal with the next morning, only make things worse.
Thou shalt take responsibility for the choices you make.
Everyone makes decisions. And I'd like to believe that most people understand that when you make those decisions, you also realize that you must live with them. But, alas, this is not
something everyone seems to grasp. The problem is, you can't expect to made good or bad choices without accepting the responsibility. Some way, some how, you will have to sort out whatever messes you have made. Not me. You. Because believe it or not, I don't always have the answers, nor can I always help you. If you chose housework over schoolwork, partying over studying, anxiety over action, entertainment over employment, these are your choices and you have to live with the consequences. I have to live with them, too, sometimes. I don't like where you take me, or how we get there. But, maybe I can provide some suggestions, potential avenues that may result in the desired outcome. Sometimes, if I am frustrated enough, I may not even want to. At that moment. Shocking, I know.
Thou shalt not blame me for things beyond my control.
I accept that you may see me as an all knowing, omnipotent being, almighty, divine, supreme, absolute, but, I know this is a shock, (and you may want to sit down) I am not. I do not control everyone or everything. What other people do is almost always beyond my control. What you do is often beyond my control. Given this, I don't know why you think that I can, should, or even want, to control everything. I have enough work to do trying to manage and control myself, let alone everyone and everything else. If you need help accepting that not everything is in my control or your control, get it. Please. How much do you think one omnipotent being can manage, even when they are omnipotent?
Thou shalt act your age, not your shoe size.
Stop telling me how old you are. I know. Stop remarking that you're old enough to make your own decisions. I know that, too. But being old enough to make the right decisions and making those decisions are two very different things. Stop telling me that at this age you shouldn't have to deal with the things that you're dealing with. Over that I have no control (see above). What ever you're dealing with is what ever you're dealing with regardless of how old you are. Consider how come you're dealing with these things. What did you do to faciliate it?Not acting your age is just childish and immature. Locking doors, throwing things in the garbage, engaging in inappropriate behaviours, staying up all night, partying when you do not have the funds to support such activities, not going to school, not going to work, complaining about going to school or work, fighting about getting out of bed for appointments you make, these are childish and immature. Narcissistic even. So, if you are going to remind me and you of how old you are, expect that I will suggest that you act your age since you know it so well.
Thou shalt not consistently put me between that rock and hardplace you are so fond of.
I spend so much time in this place that my butt has molded the seat. The cushions are torn and their covering threadbare. Unfortunately, I can't work in this place, because if I could perhaps I'd be happier about spending time here. And I wouldn't be as behind in my work.
There's also no computer or television so it seems to me that ultimately, it's a waste of my time to be here. But for some reason, I just keep coming back, or more accurately, being put in here, no matter how hard I try to fight it. In other circumstances, maybe my interest in how I get here over and over would be piqued. But the circumstances that keep bringing me back here aren't changing. Maybe I am partially to blame for repeated visits here, but I don't get here alone and I'd appreciate if you'd do your part to stop faciliating the journey.
Thou shalt work as many jobs as needed to meet financial obligations.
Living on your own is a wonderful thing, at least this is what I've heard. Living on your own does not mean you live in space but other people pay for it. Living on your own means that you pay your own way. No one owes you anything. People will help if they can, but the expectation should be that you have to provide for yourself. That's what it means to be your age. I will continue to help, but I am not responsible for your inability to stay within your budget. I am not responsible for the bad choices any of you make regarding money. If you have money, spend it on frivolity, then don't come to me for more. I won't be giving it to you. I will no longer save you from your trivial cash choices. If you want to live a lifestyle that is currently beyond your means you have three choices: continue what you're doing even though it is clearly not working, or, secure enough employment to be able to live the life you're living, or, stop living the life you're living, grow up, act the age you keep reminding me about, and live within your means. The rest of us have to do it, why should you be any different? Stop asking for more than I can give, because I am no longer giving more than I can. The money tree in the backyard has died, and I have no means of replacing it.
Thou shalt not stress me so much that I am derailed from my work.
It is safe to say that while everyone pitches in what they can, at this present point in time, currently, in the moment, I think it is accurate to say that my job pays the bills. But none of you make it easy. Just because my job has some flexibility in terms of being able to come and go without hassle, doesn't mean I feel I can come and go as I please. I can't just drop everything to drive you here and there; don't call and tell me how much you wish I was home, I already know that. Drop by my office, I love to see you, but don't make an arse out of yourself where I work. And don't expect me to drop everything because you have the time to be there. I shouldn't have to schedule my work around you. We've been doing this a long time. You know how the academic year works. If I say that I have to work, it means I have to work. Would I rather spend time with you? Absolutely. Of course I would. But sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do at the time we are doing them. Accept this. At least I am in the house. I could be in my office. Or at Starbucks, or the library. I am trying as best I can to blend home and work so I can at least be in the kitchen, in the same living space as you are. When you're calling me with issues, concerns, dilemmas and dramas, you are taking me away from what puts food on our table and a roof over our head. It sucks. There has to a better way. But right now I don't know what it is. If you figure it out, let me know. I'm willing to try anything once. Twice if it actually works.
Thou shalt accept that I do know something based on my life experiences.
I am not stupid. I know what goes on in the world. I have life experience that could benefit you. If you're not interested in what I have to say, in hearing my opinion, than stop asking me to give it. Don't ask me to support something that we both know is dumb, irresponsible, unnecessary. If you're going to something because you think you have the right to, or because you want to, don't ask me to condone it if I don't agree. I am not here to make you feel better about bad choices. If you truly believe that my life experience has no value, stop asking me what I think. Because I will tell you, whether you like what I have to say or not. But consider this: how many things have you done that made you miserable? Or your life more difficult? Could those have been prevented if you had just listened? I don't know everything, but I do know somethings, and can even predict what may happen to you based on those experiences. You don't need to live my life, you need to live your own. But if some of the assinine things I have done in the past could prevent you from experiencing misery, isn't it worth it to consider what I have to offer? I'll tell you this: I wish, more than anything, that I had listened to my mother more than I did.
Thou shalt not lie to me.
I hate lying. It serves no positive purpose nor does it make anything better. Plus, I always find out when you've been lying to me. Lying to me means that I no longer believe anything that you tell me, even if it is true. And this will have consequences. Trust me.
Thou shalt not work as hard as you can to keep my life in chaos and turmoil.
You are all busy people. So it amazes me that you have so much time to turn my life, and our family life into complete and utter chaos and turmoil. If I didn't know better, I'd swear that the only way you can get through the day is by ensuring that chaos and turmoil exist. You thrive on it, draw from it. I don't. In fact, the older I get the less I am able to live in chaos and turmoil. The less willing I am to live in constant chaos and turmoil. If you can't live with your catastrophic companions, get help. Because I am not willing to live with them any longer. I will have peace and quiet, calmness and serenity in my life. If everyone participates, does their part, than peace and serenity shall reign. If you chose to not participate, to not do those things that will give you inner peace and serenity, to keep creating turmoil and chaos, expect to live with the consequences.
Thou shalt remember that we are fortunate, blessed and that things are never as bad as you make them out to be.
We are fortunate, blessed people. Things could always, always, always be worse than they are. Catastrophizing is a complete and utter waste of time and energy. Looking at the positive, at what is good, and there is ALWAYS good is far more valuable. It also faciliates the peace and serenity I so desperately want. The glass is half full. And if it breaks, we'll just fill another one. Imagine what we could accomplish if we worked together instead of at cross purposes.
Had I been given the gift of seeing into the future, I would have given myself these commandments long before I ever married or had children.
I would have saved myself oodles of stress and anxiety, anger and frustration.
People erroneously assume I have limitless patience, that I can handle everything, that I have the answers to all their problems.
I don't.
My patience is at its end. Threadbare. See through. And replenishing it is going to be difficult.
I can handle a lot of things. I have already demonstrated this. I don't wish to spend my life dealing with your difficulties.
If I had answers to all your problems, I'd be wealthy, happy and calm. Clearly I don't.
Being married and having children is the hardest thing I've ever done. I like challenges. Hard doesn't put me off.
People told me I'd never accomplish the things I've accomplished.
I proved them wrong.
Maybe now its time you proved me wrong. That my perceptions are erroneous. That you are more than what you're showing me.
I promise that tomorrow we will return to our regularly scheduled, amusing and life affirming programming.
Title Lyric: Purging by Boysnightout
Thou shalt not lie to me.
I hate lying. It serves no positive purpose nor does it make anything better. Plus, I always find out when you've been lying to me. Lying to me means that I no longer believe anything that you tell me, even if it is true. And this will have consequences. Trust me.
Thou shalt not work as hard as you can to keep my life in chaos and turmoil.
You are all busy people. So it amazes me that you have so much time to turn my life, and our family life into complete and utter chaos and turmoil. If I didn't know better, I'd swear that the only way you can get through the day is by ensuring that chaos and turmoil exist. You thrive on it, draw from it. I don't. In fact, the older I get the less I am able to live in chaos and turmoil. The less willing I am to live in constant chaos and turmoil. If you can't live with your catastrophic companions, get help. Because I am not willing to live with them any longer. I will have peace and quiet, calmness and serenity in my life. If everyone participates, does their part, than peace and serenity shall reign. If you chose to not participate, to not do those things that will give you inner peace and serenity, to keep creating turmoil and chaos, expect to live with the consequences.
Thou shalt remember that we are fortunate, blessed and that things are never as bad as you make them out to be.
We are fortunate, blessed people. Things could always, always, always be worse than they are. Catastrophizing is a complete and utter waste of time and energy. Looking at the positive, at what is good, and there is ALWAYS good is far more valuable. It also faciliates the peace and serenity I so desperately want. The glass is half full. And if it breaks, we'll just fill another one. Imagine what we could accomplish if we worked together instead of at cross purposes.
Had I been given the gift of seeing into the future, I would have given myself these commandments long before I ever married or had children.
I would have saved myself oodles of stress and anxiety, anger and frustration.
People erroneously assume I have limitless patience, that I can handle everything, that I have the answers to all their problems.
I don't.
My patience is at its end. Threadbare. See through. And replenishing it is going to be difficult.
I can handle a lot of things. I have already demonstrated this. I don't wish to spend my life dealing with your difficulties.
If I had answers to all your problems, I'd be wealthy, happy and calm. Clearly I don't.
Being married and having children is the hardest thing I've ever done. I like challenges. Hard doesn't put me off.
People told me I'd never accomplish the things I've accomplished.
I proved them wrong.
Maybe now its time you proved me wrong. That my perceptions are erroneous. That you are more than what you're showing me.
I promise that tomorrow we will return to our regularly scheduled, amusing and life affirming programming.
Title Lyric: Purging by Boysnightout
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