Going through the motions, going through the motions, go, go go. . . .

January 30, 2011



Yesterday started the same as the last several.

Bed, up, dogs, breakfast, blog, bed.

And there for a long time.

Staring.

Thinking.

Grieving.







Until Stephen reminded me that I had promised my mother I would have dinner with her.

As I do every Saturday evening.

That vaguely smells of routine.

I hauled myself up and got dressed.

Took two kids to work, picked up one, and was, as usual, pushing the clock.

That strongly smells of routine.

Too strongly if you ask me.

I hate the rushing to get the kids to work routine.

Hate it.

Because no matter how hard I try, there is always something that prevents us from getting them there on time.

And yesterday that something was me.

Partially me.

But at least the tension and the arguing felt normal.

In retrospect, everyone was at fault.

A convergence of unfortunate events.

And yet they got to work, Stephen, Em and I got to the nursing home, ate hot dogs and potato salad, visited with Mum.

Routine.

Normal.

Going through the motions.

Guess its time to start.






After the nursing home, and Victory where Stephen wanted beets for borscht, Em and I went to the movies.

Em has suffered from serious maternal neglect this week.

That happens when you're mother is in bed and has no sense of time going by.

So when she asked me to go to the movies with her, I knew I had to.

Not just because I hadn't been the best mother in the past week, but because, again, it was about going through the motions.

Em knows her Mum, and the movie as carrot stick is always going to work.

Especially when she told me what movie.

127 Hours.

There were fears that it wouldn't come to our theater, as some good movies usually don't.

Therefore when Em asked if I wanted to go to the movies, AND see 127 Hours she knew that I'd go.

Plus, Stephen thought I should go meaning I was feeling a bit ganged up on.

I was glad that I went, spent time with Em.

A very good film, a celebration of life, of all that is important to live for.

Stephen picked us up when the movie ended.

Dogs in the back of the car, their silhouettes welcoming and loving.

Always happy to see me.

Stephen wearing my apron underneath his coat, the car smelling like the herbs and flavours of homemade borscht.

Stephen forgetting he was wearing the apron underneath his coat.

Routine.







Today we're going to Quaker meeting and then to visit with my brother for a while.

See how he's doing.

Tomorrow, back to Simply for Life, and then work.

The eating has been challenging.

After the memorial service was the worst.

Peanut butter macaroons.

Never have I encountered such a glorious concoction when I most needed it.

Keep your alcohol.

Give me my peanut butter and sugar and I can party all night long.

But I seem to have eating, at least, back under control.

Work.

I suspect my students are wondering how things will work with a week's absence.

Assignments, when are they due?

Are we still having that midterm?

How long has it been since I watered my plants?

Routine.

Going through the motions.








Routine.

Going through the motions.

Doing what I have to do, when I have to do it, until it starts to feel natural again.

And it will feel natural and normal again.

It's inevitable.

And I don't have the energy to fight it.

Easier to just give in and be an adult.

Going through the motions.



Title Lyric: Going Through the Motions by McFly