What have I been doing at the library all this time?
Reading.
A research study from 1933, looking at the affect of motion pictures on the criminal activities of adult and young offenders, male and female.
I am halfway through this book Movies, Crime and Delinquency, which is certainly very interesting.
Currently, I'm reading the chapter where female offenders discuss how films made them feel, in particular "love films" and how this lead to their delinquent or criminal activity.
All of which seem to centered around sex.
Yet another example of how women were punished for being sexual beings.
So I vacillate between "you're-kidding-right!!!!????" and "this-is-so-interesting!!!"
It's an exhausting place to be.
And yesterday was a bit more difficult than usual.
Typically, I LOVE my time at the library, and always lament its end.
Cool, quiet (at least most of the time), no computer directly in front of me, calling me, calling me to distractions I don't need.
Or want.
But yesterday I was tired.
Two venti cups of coffee didn't even help.
When normally they would have put me on the moon.
My concentration was off.
It took me forever to get through one chapter.
Common sense would dicate that I should go home and get some sleep.
But so far, common sense hasn't had much of an impact on what I do.
In addition, I have to read this so I can write a grant application for mega bucks to replicate/modify Blumer's research.
And it's due, in New York City, August 1st.
Lots and lots of formatting restrictions.
Time, as usual, is running out.
So I'm a bit panicked.
And, Emily had yesterday off.
About as rare as me waking up a millionaire.
When she has days off, she likes to do something.
With me.
I know.
I am flattered, believe me.
She had yesterday afternoon planned down to the last second.
Lunch at The Garrison.
Shopping, movie, shopping.
Dealing with an issue at work.
Oh if I could write about it.
You have no idea how hard it is to not write about it.
Em, however, would immediately become infused with such anger towards me that she'd morph into a female version of the Incredible Hulk and that'd be it for me.
Done for.
Shot to below the depths of hell in her esteem.
Not a place I want to be.
So, I have to keep my mouth shut, my thoughts to myself, and the words I want to write locked up tighter than Fort Knox.
But. . .
There is always a but.
I can say one thing.
Anyone, I don't care who you are, who thinks they can bully Emily at work, or anywhere, is most deluded.
Don't.
Seriously.
So, back to yesterday. . . .
Tired.
So tired.
And at the library at 8.00 am, in spite of not sleeping well the night before because I knew the afternoon was planned to the nth degree by my own personal entertainment director, Emily.
She did acqueise to me having a 30 minute nap prior to our shenanigans, but, knowing I had to be up and moving in 30 minutes prevented me from getting to that I-can-doze place.
Plus Frankie was licking himself beside my head.
Not a sound that welcomes sleep.
Fifteen minutes into my "nap" I gave up, got up, changed and we were off.
Lunch was good.
Shopping was tolerable.
Em was in search of a new bathing suit for our August trip to the beach.
In fact, she was excited.
I was not, simply because bathing suit shopping with Em has never been on the top of my list of things I want to when at the mall.
However, Em did brilliantly.
She knew what she wanted, where it was, and she was willing to pay for it.
So how could I have been do averse?
And, she looks stunning!
I really wish that Emily could see herself the way I see her.
Beautiful.
Funny.
Stunning.
Intelligent.
Gorgeous.
Brilliant.
(Ignore the poodle masquerading as hair on my head)
Instead of how she sees herself through the media saturated images of unrealistic looking young women gaze she has been inundated with.
At the corner of Queen and York, after we left the restaurant and we were waiting for the light to change so we could cross the street, a young man was giving Emily a very appreciative glance.
More appreciative than I was comfortable with, that's for sure.
In fact, he was lucky he had wheels and I was on foot, or there would be one blind young man in Fredericton today.
Once I poked his eyes out.
But Em merely said, he wasn't looking at me.
Oh.
Yes.
He.
Was.
I wish she could see herself the way I, and everyone else, sees her.
Movie?
Well, let's just say that seeing Monte Carlo with Selena Gomez was clearly, most definitely, shall always be considered an ultimate sign of just how much I love and adore Emily.
Because only love and adoration was stronger than the loathing and aversion I was experienced when Em informed me of what film we were seeing.
Parents really do things just because they love their children.
Really.
It has been so warm here.
So very warm.
Even the pets can't find much refuge and respite.
Goblet has resorted to drastic measures.
Hanging out in her travel crate.
Look at those teeth!
This is how she looks at me all the time.
Drives Frankie crazy because his access to her is limited.
I don't think she has a problem with that.
At all.
Today I'm going to try to work from home.
Partly because I want to begin leash training with Frankie.
Partly because both kids work tonight and it'd be nice to see them for longer than it takes to drive them to work.
Partly because I just want to be at home.
The only thing I've planned is the purchase of a fan for my mother's room.
I might have accidentally given hers to Meredyth by mistake.
I didn't think we had four fans, but, there are days I don't remember my own name, so I'm not completely reliable.
All I know is that Mum's room gets awfully warm, and while she doesn't notice it at all, in fact, she still gets her warm blanket every night, the rest of us certainly do.
Especially my father.
I'm surprised no one has called me about it.
He's coming in to see her today.
Meaning there'd better be a fan in her room before he gets there.
Title Lyric: Born this Way by Lady Gaga
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