Grey skies are gonna clear up. . . .

June 22, 2011


Yesterday was one of those days where I felt off kilter.

A day when I felt like I was under construction.

Things are a bit out of focus.

I can't settle on one thing, and end up just wasting time.

Piddling away the day.

But not doing anything I'm supposed to be doing.

These are not, at least from experience, days that end well.

And it didn't.






There are times when I find dealing with all that is going on around me a tad bit challenging.

Every once in a while, the weight of aging parents, adolescent-sort of adult children, aimless twenty-somethings, struggling PhDs, unfinished journal articles and books, unfettered canines and freewheeling felines becomes so heavy I don't think I can breathe.

Most of the time I am adept at juggling everything.

Or at least looking like I am juggling everything.

Sometimes, however, I just have to let everything fall away for a little while as I try to sort out how things got to the way they are and what I have to do to get the balls back in the air again.

Last night was one of those nights.

This morning I'm feeling a little punch drunk but at the same time like a pressure cooker valve has been released.

For now.

So today is a day of things I want to do, not have to do.

Downtown with Em for a bit and then a movie, The Green Lantern 3D.

Gardening this evening, or a walk with the dogs, or maybe even both.

And hopefully tonight good and tired for a good night's sleep so I can wake up tomorrow and begin again.






Em passed everything, including math, and doesn't have to attend summer school.

So she'll start grade 12 in the fall.

The last of the three kids to attend grade school.

That's sort of a weird thought.

You spend years thinking that learning to read and print, Christmas concerts, spelling lessons, French class, math homework, history essays, Shakespeare, highschool functionalist sociology, art class, the horrors of gym class, sock hops and school dances will continue forever and then all of a sudden you're faced with the realization that it's almost over.

And they're off to university.

A whole new set of experiences and challenges.

No more lunches to make (yeah!!!!!).

New ideas to contemplate over dinner (yeah!!!!!!)

But also acknowledging that they're moving into even more spaces that don't include you.

That they should move into those spaces.

Knowing and accepting however don't necessarily make things any easier.

Sometimes being a grown up sucks.






The day wasn't bad.

Just off kilter.

Stephen made a lovely dinner of chicken, rice noodles and asparagus.

For me.

He doesn't really like asparagus.

Something I just can't seem to wrap my head around.

Who couldn't love asparagus?

After dinner we took the dogs to the farm for a run.

A long one.

I felt better afterwards, for a little while.

Watching Frankie reach warp speed in his efforts to capture the bad birdies in the farm's fields always fills me with happiness.

Seeing Tikka frolic like she was a puppy again, even if it's just for a short time, always reminds me of how much she means to me, how much I love her and how much she and I have been through together.

And we've been through a lot.

After we came home I tried to work for a little bit, a pointless attempt to achieve a sense of order before I gave up and went to bed.

I gave up and went to bed.

Hoping that my brain would shut down.

It didn't.

Which takes a back to the beginning.

A not always very good place to start.

And certainly not a place where I have to stay.

Hence my active attempts to make today a better day.


Title Lyric: Bye Bye Birdie