May 29, 2011
Another busy, busy day ahead.
Quaker meeting.
Out with Mum this afternoon, for bracelet pick ups and coffee as a means of assuaging my guilt over not seeing her yesterday.
Home to weed if time, weather, and most importantly energy, permits.
Dinner.
6.00 lecture featuring Jeff Ferrell, anarchist criminologist extraordinaire.
Coffee with friends afterwards.
As I said, busy.
Sears was having a sale yesterday.
And when Sears has a sale, they have a sale.
Lagostina frying pans, regular $120.00 for $40.00.
I got two. . .one was 16.99 and the other was 21.99.
I love new kitchenware!
As I was there, I thought I'd look into underwear for Stephen and Keith.
Underwear has been a dominant theme in my life lately, so I figured I may as well continue the focus.
Keith was lamenting the other day that he was in need of boxers.
Not boxer briefs by boxers. . .the tradition cotton ones.
I have no idea how he wears them. . .seems to me they would bunch at his legs, but apparently not.
He likes them.
They were on sale.
I even found his size.
Or Em did.
Keith is very slim so finding him things that fit at his waist is often a challenge.
Now Stephen on the other hand is, in theory, an easy underwear buy.
I know what he likes.
I found them.
Bought them.
Brought them home.
Initially he was pleased that I had remembered he needed new drawers.
However, he tried them on.
And complained.
I don't mean to sound like your mother but. . . .he said from the top of the stairs.
At the bottom of the stairs, I replied, then don't.
The elastic waist band is too big.
And then he proceeded to bring down the last underwear I bought from him to compare against the new underwear.
Because clearly I needed a visual lesson in order to comprehend and then accept his legitimate complaint.
After he was finished his object lesson, I looked at him and said,
As I recall I did buy your last underpants, and therefore know what you like. If I didn't buy those exact undies, it means that there were none so this is what you got.
Wear them.
Be happy.
Some people don't have any.
End of discussion.
What is it with people in my life and underwear????????
I've spent much time over the last few days facing some rather hard truths.
Among them, that Mer doesn't really concern herself with how her actions affect others.
She has not a care, from what I can see, about how her tantrums, hissy fits, explosions, self centeredness impact me, Stephen, Keith and Em.
How her constant requests for money are draining emotionally and financially.
In fact, now that intersession is over and I'm not teaching overload, there is no extra money.
None.
She's on her own.
How the phone calls, one after another on everyone's phone until she reaches us has made us contemplate plugging in the phone at all.
Sometimes, there are reasons I don't answer the phone.
I'm not home.
I'm at work, working. Meeting with students. Doing my job.
I just don't have the energy to deal with yet another Meredyth drama. . . .that one is becoming far more frequent.
How, until she does what needs to be done nothing is going to change, no matter where she goes, who she's with, what she's doing. . .
She can get as angry as she wants with me, blame me for all the ills that have befallen her, blame every one else for the outcomes of choices she has made, and nothing will change.
Well, one thing will change.
People's willingness to tolerate her behaviour.
Mine is changing.
I am fed up.
And, as I have come to accept, I know I cannot change Mer, I can only change how I react, interact, engage with Mer.
I can only change me.
And I am.
And it hurts.
I love this child more than life itself, but loving her isn't the issue, apparently.
Because sometimes love isn't enough and you have to resort to alternative measures.
There really isn't much I can do for Mer.
But there are things she can do for herself.
But she won't like them, and because she is legally an adult, there is nothing I can make her do.
If she decides, however, that she wants to do what needs to be done, I will be there for her 1000%.
Next move is hers.
Title Lyric: Sears Commercial Lyrics by Vanessa Hudgens
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